This morning I just read about the situation of Philippines, it is getting worse but not as worse as other countries, so far. What hit me really hard is that ten doctors were announced dead amidst our fight of this viral spread. I cannot handle my emotion of sadness because of the frontliners involved is the profession I am pursuing now. What if among your family members work in the hospital? What if I am that doctor who would trade his time for family and life just to treat people  I do not know but I cannot say no, because this is my profession.

         I need to be clear on this, I am writing this not to single out those other non-medical frontliners as well as allied professions but my heart  goes to doctors today, because I can feel and I understand their struggle. I know it is the job of the doctors to treat those who are sick, but think of all l the sacrifices they are doing right now. Which makes me realize that truly, becoming a doctor is more than just wearing an M.D. and a white coat. 

        Just a background of my family, my dad’s side happened to be almost in the field of military and police, some of them fought wars, died for our country and has become my inspiration up to now. I told myself then, I think I needed to go the other side of my family, I thought of going to the field of healthcare, less chaos and will fit my personality. But only now I can realize that not all warriors carry guns and rifles. I have so much high respect to our doctors today, and salute to them. 

        What I am just fearing now is the number of doctors dying and we are just having small number of positive cases. Other countries like china, Italy and Even US have thousands of cases and considering their amazing healthcare system. I just hope and pray that our frontline will be that strong and prepared, because we cannot afford to lose more of our doctors, nurses, medical technologies, pharmacists, even janitors and others.

        If there is one thing I have learned about our doctors today, is their willingness to help others even if it is very risky for them. I remember those unending question I hear whenever someone would ask, why do you want to become a doctor? and I casually say, I wanna help those who are sick. This, I think, is one of the motivations that our doctors are dealing right now.

         Let us help hand in hand to protect and save or medical Frontliners because we needed them right now. We may not help them to their physical workplaces but giving them less burden and providing them the essential needs must be our priority.

         Let us protect ourselves, be responsible and pray that this will end ASAP. And as much as possible if you can stay home, just stay!

       If I may be very demanding to our government today; pls take care of our medical frontliners, safeguard them, feed them, clothe them. Because they have sacrificed much in their studies and practice,  and they are ding their best, we cannot afford to just lose them that easy.

          Sometimes I imagine myself as a builder, as an architect or a civil engineer, because once in my life I also ambition[ed] to be one when I was in high school. I have this much appreciation to arts and architecture, amazed with different dimensions of structures and crafts. The intricacies of magnificent buildings and infrastructures fascinates me every time I see them on magazines. I was ready with all my T square, triangles with a set of Staedtler pens and tubes then, but that did not happen.

          God has planned a different path for me. In a field where I could have practiced my love for the arts with pencil and paper, He handed me scalpel and necked me with a stethoscope. I could have designed  buildings, bridges and airports, but I am now building bridges of hopes to the lives of many in the area of healthcare. 

          But no matter what God has been working in my life now, things may not always be happy or sad I am still very thankful for all of these unending opportunities.

           With this realization of life that I experienced, it is true that we have tendencies to be very ambitious sometimes. I see it as a nature of man that we really wanted to feel a sense of fulfillment when you achieved something. It becomes negative when your body is been so used and you lose enthusiasm and appetite to serving and praising Him.

           But even though how high our dreams would go and how respectful people will see you. We are still ought to build the best temple that everyone should see, and that is our character and attitude towards ourselves and others.

           It was written in I Corinthians 6:19; it says “…. your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own”, this is a very powerful verse that modulates our indulgence to  too much perversion and ambitious mentality. Though this verse teaches us on how we must take care of ourselves, preserving our morality and denying one’s self to staying away to vices and addiction, it has a very broad topic that also encompasses our love and devotion to Him. God put us in a difficult situation to teach us patience and perseverance, and that we should realize we do not own our lives.

           In the bible, a temple signifies a structure that represents the presence of God, where people prayed and worshiped. And as it was written, now, our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and we ought to see the presence of God by means of our actions and testimony. 

             In the end, we ought to build the best temple we can build, a temple that we can offer to God, a temple that we can see His presence and a temple that is not just for Him but also for others that they may see. 

            Nobody is perfect, everyone is still sinning, that is our daily challenge, for we are still living with our sinful flesh. The very reason why we must need a daily walk with God.

I must say what taught me something in my long years of studying, including my enduring stay in medical school now is the reality of what life is –that life is an opportunity. I studied biology in college for four long years and I have put much attention in studying from the simplest form of life starting from molecular to cellular up to the most complex ones. I slowly began to appreciate and understand the systems, the environment and the community. But it never ended there, I continued to be passionate in my current desire to study life and enrolled in medicine. As of now, it is still a daily challenge for me to learning the reality of my career. I entered the school having one reason and that is to just become the doctor of my dreams. “Helping people who are sick”, you normally hear to children when asked why they like to become a doctor someday. But in reality it is such a great responsibility not just as a healer but also a leader, educator, understanding and guiding people in the area of healthcare.  With these, it requires a lot of patience, love and compassion to people and most especially becoming selfless and humble. There is more in medicine than I can think of.

Spending these long years of commitment to unending searching for knowledge to medicine has made me realize the vanities of life. If I were to count those missed moments of family pictures to gatherings, times that you could have enjoyed with your parents and instances that you could have be with them, they were plenty. I am not saying that it is not important but I consider it as a huge opportunity for me. I have so much limited time for them that is why if I have that chance I would really spend it with quality.

Not everyone is given the chance to become doctors, nurses, engineers, teachers and businessmen. In this world where chances are uncertain, we should learn to be appreciative and be thankful to God no matter how indefinite things are, for it is just an opportunity. 

Though we cross different paths in life, you may have not necessary feel or cannot relate to what I feel now, we come in different situations and we vary in different circumstances we will meet in a common pattern in life and that is to work in order to survive, enjoy pleasures in life, getting old and later meeting death just realizing the vanities we have.

Ecclesiastes is one of my favorite books I read. With all the metaphors and how accurately and beautifully written, we must learn from these. Specifically on the twelfth chapter of this book, which is written this way;

¹Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them;

As young as we are there are chances in life that we cannot understand why we are very curious to things. In family development, younger ones are very explorative and just wanted to enjoy life.  It is a daily battle of trial and error, learning new things and trying to be as independent as they can. Everyone just wanted pleasures and comforts in this world full of evil and adversities. But as we go age and experience the next sequence of life cycle, it becomes less interesting and old age constraints us.

² While the sun, or the light, or the moon, or the stars, be not darkened, nor the clouds return after the rain:

            Life is limited, it does not lengthen rather it is consumed. Like how life is interpreted as light, there will come a time it will lose its luminance and rain will eventually stop at a certain time.

³ In the day when the keepers of the house shall tremble, and the strong men shall bow themselves, and the grinders cease because they are few, and those that look out of the windows be darkened,

⁴ And the doors shall be shut in the streets, when the sound of the grinding is low, and he shall rise up at the voice of the bird, and all the daughters of musick shall be brought low;

            This vignette presents an accurate physical changes of the human body as age advances. In one of my subjects ,we studied older people and this made me write this blog. In older people, it will come to a point becoming weak, shall bow themselves because of weak and deteriorating back muscles. Ceasing grinder causing eating problems because of loosening and missing teeth. Windows be darkened because of poor visual acuity as it ages. Sound of the grinding will be low because of the weakened hearing ability in older people. And changes to sleeping patterns which they will be frequently morning persons and irritated easily to sounds.

⁵ Also when they shall be afraid of that which is high, and fears shall be in the way, and the almond tree shall flourish, and the grasshopper shall be a burden, and desire shall fail: because man goeth to his long home, and the mourners go about the streets:

⁶ Or ever the silver cord be loosed, or the golden bowl be broken, or the pitcher be broken at the fountain, or the wheel broken at the cistern.

            Older people are vulnerable and become insecure to things they previously was not. They will be acting differently and will be less hopeful and loses their energetic attitude. And that things they treasure before will be less important  them and value will fade,

⁷ Then shall the dust return to the earth as it was: and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it.

            And death will come, which will be the end of life. And that all we have, material things or not, cannot suffice to extend even a just a second after our death.

⁸ Vanity of vanities, saith the preacher; all is vanity.

            Your church will be your anchor and will be there giving you unending admonitions. Reminding what is more profitable and what real prosperity is.

⁹ And moreover, because the preacher was wise, he still taught the people knowledge; yea, he gave good heed, and sought out, and set in order many proverbs.

¹⁰ The preacher sought to find out acceptable words: and that which was written was upright, even words of truth.

            Because man is very good in making philosophies, they forget to appreciate the ultimate philosophy of life even this means diverting to truth and what is upright and loves deviance in order to satisfy their philosophies.

¹¹ The words of the wise are as goads, and as nails fastened by the masters of assemblies, which are given from one shepherd.

            And this I think is the importance of having someone that cuts our egoistic nature, which means seeking God's wisdom and denying yourself to Him.

¹² And further, by these, my son, be admonished: of making many books there is no end; and MUCH STUDY is a weariness of the flesh.

            Then we realize, the worth of these efforts we had and all sacrifices we did boils down to the vanities of vanities of ourselves; for ourselves. However, let us go back once more to what is written on the first verse, that we must remember thy CREATOR in the days of our YOUTH, that we realize how privileged we are in this life we live.

¹³ Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

¹⁴ For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.

            This chapter of the book is what makes me appreciate life more, that we do not just work to survive and enjoy the pleasures of this world and regret after with the vanities we had. Life is more than that. Do not just waste your life easily, because it is not ours, it is God-given and it is for Him. And as early as now, as young as we are Remember thy Creator, Keep on !!

lesterrific [4/11/19]

I am writing this to share my thoughts to an issue that no one ever [maybe] is willing to take risk to speak, not everyone is willing to read and not everyone is willing to listen. Everyone has its own opinion, viewpoint and understanding, moreover, it takes bravery to break this silence.


I am now in my second year of studying medicine, bombarded with a lot of pathology cases how to examine and diagnose them along with Internal Medicine and Pharmacology subjects where treatments of varying diseases are taught. With these, I can say sometimes psychiatry issues are among the most neglected areas of practice. Because people are not open with it and still when you seek for psychiatric consult for example in a depressed individual they almost always associate it having mental deficits.


We experience times of our lives where in we are not in our best days, some of which leads to anxiety and later depression. We go through different kinds of problems with different reasons. And this depression leads to suicide attempts and worst is death


Suicide can be seen as a superficial in our society but the galloping increase of cases in my city where I now live has been very alarming.  Though this may not necessarily be needing medical treatment asap or a form of an emergency, this is medically relevant and must be easily caught up because it is preventable.


Self-killing is not a new thing, even the Holy Bible reveals stories of such, in 2 Samuel 17:23, prophet  Ahithophel hanged himself after betraying David. The very infamous Adolf Hitler involved himself in cyanide poisoning and shooting himself with a pistol. Marilyn Monroe, a famous actress died by barbiturate overdosing. These are just few of suicide cases that accounts to one thing – they needed help!


One of the highest rates of depression and suicide can be found in the medical field. Some were not documented, some even do not display it because of the stigma that may affect performance of others. I am just truly blessed that suicide has never came across in my moments of downfall. With strong coping mechanism I get from my family, friends and church they are enough for me.


I can say I lack much of the overall understanding of how an attempt to suicide escalates but I know for myself and I experienced it not to myself but through a  friend of mine that forever I will be thankful, because it had awaken me to the reality that it really is happening.


It was a late night by then, I received an unusual call from a friend during the middle of my neuroanatomy review. How would you then focus to something when your friend whom you thought was ok tells you that she wanted to end her life?!. It was a lot her crying, agony and blaming to God, I could not speak to her for seconds, I am choked with too much emotions but then I realized I needed to do something. I could not just say “it is ok” because in reality it is not. I kept on listening to explanations and her thoughts but I stayed much concerned on how and what to advise her. At that time I wonder why I am the one being called. Then I realized maybe this friend is looking someone to anchor with in fighting her depression.


I remembered I’ve shared much of stories and battles to my difficult adjustments of my medical schooling. There are also moments she’d see me hurdling difficult exams but remained to be very calm and faithful. I have had much disappointments and stresses in my first year of med school and I have shared and been very honest with few of my friends. My unending dramas even the failing scores in my exams were not new to them. But one thing I never did is never resorting to self-killing when disappointments and discouragements come.


I continued listening and kept on asking her why she wanted to take her life? Because I just think that now maybe the time I should also listen from her. But then the call was ended and I never had the chance to make her a call because she disconnected any possible communication we could ever have at that time.


I just felt so bad I did not do something about it, I could have made a better advice but I am so much overwhelmed with what happened. Moments are so quick and then I remember that time maybe this is now the right moment to apply my learnings in my family medicine subject.


It was not an overnight struggle, from time to time sometimes she shares me her disappointments and questioning of God’s existence, hardships of life, physical pains due to depression and more, but I remained to be there just listening,  prayerful and learning as well.


Few days to weeks  and months have passed I saw her starting to be active in social media again and now I realized she just needed someone who is willing to listen at that time the same feeling I am having when I am also in my downs. BTW she is ok now, we exchange words and prayers sometimes.


This is just one of the situations when I had to deal with a depressed person and have prepared me much for future instances when I will be handling a depressed patient.


With this here are some of my thoughts about suicide:

Depression is real

Sometimes people are in denial to what they feel, but the physical manifestations of a depressed person, how they rationalize arguments and how they behave to situations can never be faked. And in my psychiatry class, depression still remained to be one of the major causes of suicide.

Whatever people would want to label or interpret what a depression is, it could be just a joke or a light problem for others it is still important to be very sensitive and considerate. Have a good communication skill not just through speaking but being concerned for others. Because who knows if one of these days you will also be hit with depression which I hope not.


Be careful with Social Media

Social media has now become a very widespread platform of ideas, be it good or bad. Its accessibility and availability has become less hard to understand by anyone. No wonder a wider audience to do a cyber bullying is now a new trend that is adding a greater shame and pressure leading to depression.

I do not understand really much why some people love to play with perverseness, foolishness, vulgarity, death etc. in the internet, that I would like to research more.
I do not also understand why parents let their children manipulate with gadgets all day long instead of  talking, playing and be with them guiding in a moment where they start to be curious on things around them. This is one of the reasons of altered developmental milestones of a child, I learned from my Pediatrics and Psychiatry classes.
We have different thoughts of this part but watch out and just be careful with Social Media and internet as a whole.


Suicide is Preventable

In any other type of disease, they say Prevention is better than Cure, that I think is true. It take just a moment to ask a person "how are you doing?", which is very therapeutic when someone is getting troubled. Show some humane concern also for others – which I'm also learning.


Have a Good Coping Mechanism

Being with your family and friends is important when you are in a distressful situation, not everyone around you is willing to help but your family and friends will be there.
Having a hobby or recreational activity like games and music can also be helpful. Alcohol intoxication, smoking etc. can give long term side effects on health, that I think not the best option for you.

Travelling, one of my favorite coping mechanisms has been very helpful to me. Not necessarily travelling abroad but visiting different places like different coffee shops, food places and beaches are my go-to travels for now hehehhehe.


Visit a Professional

As a medical student, I want to advice everyone that if someone cannot handle a mental situation seek for professionals. Because they've been there ready to guide you and help you, for what is long years of studying if they cannot help you.


Seek God First

Seeking God first, and be with your church, which strengthens you and your spirituality. Speaking to God and casting burdens upon Him. #PAWEERR


10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
                                                                                                                             Isiah 4i:10 KJV


I would love to hear and read some of your thoughts about suicide as well, usap tayo minsan :)

-lesterrific [02/13/19]

“The more you acquire knowledge, the more you realize that you know little”, this phrase I heard from one of my pastors of my church on a Sunday morning made me reflect to something. And this has been somehow true in all aspects of our lives. That we think we know everything but we barely scratched the surface of what is reality.

These experiences that we hurdle in this present world full of unsure and temporary things are so much little that we cannot boast for. But despite these failures and wrong doings we do in our lives, somehow we learn from them. Life has never been designed to be perfect that you just live with it so easily, but at least you must know the purpose why you live and who are you living for.

If I could mention a lesson I learned in my experience being a student of medicine, it is that being knowledgeable to a particular area of your interest will never give true fulfillment if not being shared or applied to anyone. And what makes it more interesting for me now is the idea of how am going to share and influence others more with the wonderful life lessons and teachings I get in med school aside from the myriad concepts from books I learn. For real, there are so much life lessons I learned in my experience that I can share you not just in the area of the profession I am journeying.

Medicine is a very serious course that not everyone has interest to and not everyone has given opportunities to pursue, for some reasons it is financially draining and another it is emotionally distressing. Not every medical student has the audacity to express their thoughts on how much struggle they go through because as much as possible they really wanted to maintain a figure that behind those white clothes they wear is a firm, prim, proper and responsible person. So you have no option but to be strong and be an example to be a person they seek medical advice in the future.  

Meanwhile, in as much as we wanted to gain information and experience, we read all possible materials for the next lecture or exam no matter how seems impossible may be. But anyways, we are but just simple people, we get too tired, suffocated with hifalutin medical terminologies and there are also those times we are mentally altered –because admit it we are not perfect and we meet the limitations of our minds can do.

As a second year student, I am now in the process called adapting in a situation where you need to be more emotionally prepared rather than being intellectually ready. Preceptorials in the hospital and one on one interview with people are more often than my first year. I must admit speaking with people has been my weakness but slowly I am learning and enjoying it. Community and Family Medicine is one of the subjects that my medical program is offering and I am learning so much.

I am now understanding how the community functions and what made me write this very honest realization is that I had first-hand experience to what is happening in a community.

Paratong is just one of the many barangays of Paoay, Ilocos Norte that we are assigned to. Last year, we had an extensive health assessment and we came out with a result that hypertension along with diabetes are among the top threats of the barangay.

These diseases are very common in class discussions, but amidst the etiologies, the nature, how-to-diagnose, treatments and drugs is that how are we going to apply these concepts of books in real life? If you think of the pages of reading materials and effort just to understand, you will be amazed because it is a different story when you witness it in front of a patient.

As a realization I have shared it in my fb timeline my awe in my very first ever experience of reading a 150/100 blood pressure in a very normal looking person was never as accurately described the feeling when I was reading my book.  

Another is my experience of reminding to elderly to seek for their doctors ASAP because they are hypertensive but as if it was not serious after all.  

Another would be a lola who thought she has hypertension and having a maintenance but only to find out it is just Vitamin B complex supplement and paracetamol.

Another would be when we go interview people think we distribute vitamins and hypertension maintenance.

Another would be people think we administer dengvaxia or some sort of vaccine.

Another would be people asking for the right way of taking drugs.

Another would be my experience of being rejected to interviews for they thought it was just a waste of time.

Another would be people asking you if it is just ok to take herbal medicines.

These are just few of the many situations I personally encountered in the community. It is a very big responsibility that we are facing now because we are not in a situation wherein we need not be serious. We are to address the problem and at the same time we need to learn.

Here are some of the pictures I had chance to capture :)

                                           me  interviewing a hypertensive and diabetic patient 













In classrooms we are taught about people's different lifestyle, culture, how they behave, how to address health issues and many more. But the community taught me dedication, compassion, understanding and love to neighbor that never you will learn in a classroom.

With these I am doing now, no matter how difficult may be, it is always by the grace of God and all glory belong to Him.


this Monday will be my first day of second semester of my second year and we'll be having an examination on Surgery, this is just how dedicated our mentors are and we should be as dedicated as them as well. God Bless everyone :)

-lesterrific [12/07/18]

        

          Last week has been a mixture of gladness and despair, what other thing is more stressful than a week full of examinations for a medical student? It was really a week-long of coffee stirring hehehe and fighting your eyelids not to close. I must say medicine is a very perfectionist field, that’s why whenever I say to people I am a medical student, they always think I must be a bright student, but no, part of which is just much studying and serious training. But I am glad despite everything, it seems I am starting to learn and love it little by little.

          As a normal student, fear has always been ruling in our core whenever examination days are coming. You would sacrifice things that matter to your life for a moment and focus as much as possible just to pass the course because you fear of failing the subject. Stresses are all over, from the printing alone of my reading materials, highlighting every pages of transes, making funny mnemonics that I don’t know where are they coming from up to the reading a 30-paged chapters that you barely understand, oh what more can I say. At these moments I begin to worry, looking what more did I not read, what more did I not understand, what more have I not memorize –they were plenty. I was always reminded by my own limited mind that enough readings will never be enough in the field that I have chosen. Information are multiplying and keep on updating and becoming complicated day by day. And there is one thing that we have to do, and that is to do our best. This never ending gain of learnings is what makes us very busy as a student.

          Now I begin to realize the vanities of vanities in life. I  just feel this different kind of stress I am having now is just too much. Sometimes, I think of those days as a kid when I don’t want to have my siesta because I want to go play outside, now I have no chance to sleep because of worrying. I can feel the gladness of having to be called the doctors of the coming generation but upon seeing yourself in a broader scale of comparison, we have just started rooting and cultivating the dry land while the others are now seem to be harvesting the fruits they have planted. You see yourself in a void of vanities and starting to question your worth and certainty. Though it is not a good idea to see myself from the others, there's always this situation that I worry of the high expectations. I remember my friends asking me on messenger while at the middle of my review to diagnose their unending symptoms, but I have no firm in answering them because the best thing I can do for now is to explain and refer them  to doctors and to stop them referring to google hahaha. I know it's really a great transition for me in this matter but there will be a time for this. 

         Different perspectives but if not because of compassion to people I could not imagine myself standing together with the other brave souls and suffer from the hardships of schooling. It is always a daily struggle of faith and humility for me that I can strongly withstand these but I, we, must do it. It is always a challenge of diligence and character as well.

          Meanwhile, a verse from the Ecclesiastes has made me comforted and ponder, yes this author writing these words is reading his  bible :) , and  as it is written at the 12^th verse on the 12^th chapter "And further, by these my son, Be admonished  of making much book there is no end and much study is a weariness of flesh”. I imagine the self-indulgence there is into me, I felt so much comforted and felt sorry not just to God but for my family that I almost have no time to talk to them and no time for myself because of much reading. 

          It is just actually a privilege for me to be on the secular world and making a blueprint of my dream of becoming a doctor. It is very difficult but what more is the best thing to do but to try and learn. I am not the best person, I am not a perfect student and neither anyone of us, there comes really a situation in our lives when it’s not really our best day, you’ll be agitated and you’ll be stressed out, you pass, you fail. But one thing for sure there is always God who hears every dramas of our lives and gives comfort in a very special way :)

And this is one of the best readings I had from the ecclesiastes that week )

lesterrific

10/01/2018

photo (c) Medical News Today

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