Last week has been a mixture of gladness and despair, what other thing is more stressful than a week full of examinations for a medical student? It was really a week-long of coffee stirring hehehe and fighting your eyelids not to close. I must say medicine is a very perfectionist field, that’s why whenever I say to people I am a medical student, they always think I must be a bright student, but no, part of which is just much studying and serious training. But I am glad despite everything, it seems I am starting to learn and love it little by little.

          As a normal student, fear has always been ruling in our core whenever examination days are coming. You would sacrifice things that matter to your life for a moment and focus as much as possible just to pass the course because you fear of failing the subject. Stresses are all over, from the printing alone of my reading materials, highlighting every pages of transes, making funny mnemonics that I don’t know where are they coming from up to the reading a 30-paged chapters that you barely understand, oh what more can I say. At these moments I begin to worry, looking what more did I not read, what more did I not understand, what more have I not memorize –they were plenty. I was always reminded by my own limited mind that enough readings will never be enough in the field that I have chosen. Information are multiplying and keep on updating and becoming complicated day by day. And there is one thing that we have to do, and that is to do our best. This never ending gain of learnings is what makes us very busy as a student.

          Now I begin to realize the vanities of vanities in life. I  just feel this different kind of stress I am having now is just too much. Sometimes, I think of those days as a kid when I don’t want to have my siesta because I want to go play outside, now I have no chance to sleep because of worrying. I can feel the gladness of having to be called the doctors of the coming generation but upon seeing yourself in a broader scale of comparison, we have just started rooting and cultivating the dry land while the others are now seem to be harvesting the fruits they have planted. You see yourself in a void of vanities and starting to question your worth and certainty. Though it is not a good idea to see myself from the others, there's always this situation that I worry of the high expectations. I remember my friends asking me on messenger while at the middle of my review to diagnose their unending symptoms, but I have no firm in answering them because the best thing I can do for now is to explain and refer them  to doctors and to stop them referring to google hahaha. I know it's really a great transition for me in this matter but there will be a time for this. 

         Different perspectives but if not because of compassion to people I could not imagine myself standing together with the other brave souls and suffer from the hardships of schooling. It is always a daily struggle of faith and humility for me that I can strongly withstand these but I, we, must do it. It is always a challenge of diligence and character as well.

          Meanwhile, a verse from the Ecclesiastes has made me comforted and ponder, yes this author writing these words is reading his  bible :) , and  as it is written at the 12^th verse on the 12^th chapter "And further, by these my son, Be admonished  of making much book there is no end and much study is a weariness of flesh”. I imagine the self-indulgence there is into me, I felt so much comforted and felt sorry not just to God but for my family that I almost have no time to talk to them and no time for myself because of much reading. 

          It is just actually a privilege for me to be on the secular world and making a blueprint of my dream of becoming a doctor. It is very difficult but what more is the best thing to do but to try and learn. I am not the best person, I am not a perfect student and neither anyone of us, there comes really a situation in our lives when it’s not really our best day, you’ll be agitated and you’ll be stressed out, you pass, you fail. But one thing for sure there is always God who hears every dramas of our lives and gives comfort in a very special way :)

And this is one of the best readings I had from the ecclesiastes that week )

lesterrific

10/01/2018

photo (c) Medical News Today

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